I gotta say, after last school year I really considered looking for a different job. Not because I stopped liking the place where I work but because last year's events left me feeling empty and with a kind of pointless life, at least on the professional side.
Last school year (12-13) was hard. Even leaving the students I had out of this, it was hard on me because I suffered what I consider to be one of the major losses in my life. Up to some months ago I'd say it was the biggest loss of my entire life.
I was pregnant, expecting twins. A boy and a girl. The feeling of joy was so overwhelming not just for me but for my entire family and everyone who knows me and was aware of all the difficulties I had while trying to get pregnant.
For the first 20 weeks which is pretty much half-way of any pregnancy, I was fine. I'd had the best pregnancy ever. No morning sickness or any kind of disturbance. Feeling happy, optimistic and overall good health-wise.
However, I got stressed. A little bit because I was working overtime and keeping up my master's degree and a little bit probably because the kids I had last year were less than endearing.
By week 25 I was having my pregnancy terminated surgically. My little girl died inside of me because I had a sudden increase in blood pressure and my little boy was struggling to survive, so the doctors said it was unwise to let me continue since the outcome was not gonna be good for me or the baby. Saddest thing I had ever gone through. I can't explain enough how crushed I was and how I felt like a goddamned failure.
Throughout the whole ordeal, my husband was the best partner, friend and support I had even though he was mourning just the same. He made me whole again being there for me and letting me cry all I needed. My family was there too but I've always find the whole sharing feelings with them very difficult and awkward.
Having said that, the following goes to my current graduating students. When this school year (13-14) began I was afraid of what may come. I didn't know if I had it in me to be the best teacher I could be or if I would be able to tolerate those teenage-rolling-of-the-eyes and somewhat temper tantrums that tend to appear from time to time.
I have to say the first good sign I got was the very first day when I was made aware most of my kids were born on 1998. I am not that good of keeping track of the years of each generation, I have to admit almost always I got them mixed up but listening that number sparked up something because I'm a believer of certain coincidences and hunches and stuff like that.
Let me explain. 1998 was the year I graduated from high school and at the end of which I turned 17. I remember that year as the best one (at least of what I call my pre-arthritis life). That year I lived with my sister for a semester (fall 98) before starting college. That year I remember was the last whole year I was super healthy and, well, I was 17.
Anyways, first day of class I told that to my students and they looked at me quite funny. They must've thought I was kind of crazy or maybe they expected the ogre some people might've said I was. The thing about being 17, they'll probably get it later on, when they remember what it was to be that age. On the other hand I also realised that God sent me a little bit of extra love because I had lost my twins but gained three pairs of them because among the three groups were a couple of boys, a couple of girls and a boy and a girl sets of twins. (Take a moment and imagine my delight).
I really loved my kids this year. I know they know I'll miss them terribly and probably will compare the following ones to them in more ways than one.
I might add that I know most of them failed to learn Chemistry to the level I expected and wanted them to achieve. Regardless, they are wonderful people, caring, supportive and loving and I wouldn't change that for any greater academic achievements. In any case, I'd like them to know that despite some situations in which I got really upset for their lack of commitment to their education (and more specifically to my class), I believe in them and I know that they are more than capable to achieve any goals they set their minds to.
Kids, thank you. I learned a lot from you and because of our time together I was reminded of why it is that I chose some eight years ago that I could never want to work as anything else other than the teacher you guys made me to be (again). You can always come back to me and will have my support if you need it. I also give great advice in some departments ;)
You are not only graduating, you're also taking a piece of my heart with you.
I will forever be grateful for your support in the difficult time I had when I lost my mom and also for the cheers you gave me whenever I brought some baked goods over to share. I apologize to those who didn't get to have some of my brownies or banana bread.
Please be good, don't cheat, try your best at anything and everything and most importantly...
Don't forget to be Awesome!
Love xoxo
Mrs Pily ;)
PS There seems to be some debate on who are my "favs" and if I hate some people... I can assure you as of now that it may seem sometimes that I prefer some people over others but make no mistake, I love you all with your faults and virtues and I certainly don't hate any of my students. Okay? Okay.
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